Feelings and Action

There's a growing recognition amongst my friends and colleagues that people
need some emotional debriefing after actions that don't go exactly the way
they envision them. This fits well with an organisation that is trying to
integrate emotions into everything we do.

A debriefing session is a space to look at what happened emotionally during
an experience (in this case a nonviolent action or campaign) and to make sure
those feelings aren't being carried forward in a disorienting or damaging
way. It can make sure that an action has a "nett gain" in empowerment and
personal growth and has not just been another step toward burn-out and
disillusionment. 

My experience is that actions are most empowering when they are completely
safe. That is, when the activists feel like they are in total control of the
energy (dynamic) of the situation. My experience is that there is already a
lot of fear around when people move AT ALL in the face of authority and that
if activists feel in control, there is always opportunity for heaps of fear
to be released. 

Weaving and controlling the energy at an action is an important, if rather
complex skill. I see it as one of the most important things we do as we take
the political initiative. It is not something that "just happens" but is
something that takes understanding, creativity and experience. But when it is
achieved it creates a brilliant feeling of power within and power with, as
fear flies out the window amidst laughter and satisfaction. For new people
there is incredulity and relief.

It creates an atmosphere that is very hard to relay to someone whose
experience of nonviolent action is the weekly rally and march at the City
Square.

Unfortunately, at the many actions where people are not sufficiently
organised, rehearsed, or educated in the skills and/or culture of nonviolence
the opportunity for moving through fears is not realised. 

Many activists working like this don't seem to be aware of just how powerful
they can be. Some organisers are happy as long as their propaganda needs are
satisfied. The non-organising participants (who came because they have strong
feelings about the issue being addressed) don't know how good an action can
be, miss out on empowerment opportunities, and often get increasingly bored
with 'political' activity that doesn't meet their needs. 

Back to debriefing! Aidex 91 was a horrific example of actions where
participants by and large did not feel in control of the dynamic or actions.
Almost everybody experienced some sort of direct violence. There was
widespread verbal humiliation, intimidation and abuse being hurled in all
directions. Large numbers of young people were hurt quite badly. And people
participated under these conditions for several days. Though this showed
courage and persistence I suspect that the legacy of this experience is long
and severe. 

Debriefing following AIDEX though belated was invaluable. It was six to eight
months later that it became clear that it was needed. I began to notice that
when I watched videos of actions that were slightly "unruly" I would get
nervous and frightened. If I talked about strategy, I would get intense and
angry and start talking of AIDEX. I had for the first time in my life almost
permanent diarrhoea and a periodic pain in my gut.

Others who had been involved also noticed associated feelings and issues. So
in October, ten months after the event we organised a debriefing with Glen
Alderson. Glen has a passion for debriefing and had set up a debriefing
programme for State Emergency Response teams. She encouraged us to see
debriefing as something that should be part of any stressful event, something
that we needed. 

Ten of the people from our affinity group did the afternoon session. 500-1000
people had participated in the protest. What happened for the others?

At that time, the debriefing was deep and adequate. However, earlier this
year, two and a half years later, the issue arose again. 

Following violence at a protest at the Richmond Secondary School, a
discussion about dealing with police violence was organised by the Network in
Melbourne. Out of eight people attending four had been at AIDEX.

None of those people were involved with Richmond but had been concerned with
what we'd seen in the media. We started with some video footage of Richmond
intending to follow this with an interesting discussion. However, many
buttons were pushed, feelings came up from deep places and people became
quite upset with what they saw.

Following the video we decided it was most appropriate to take it in turns to
express our feelings and responses. For those who had been at AIDEX, their
experience there and their issues around violence against activists became
the main focus. People expressed their rage, their grief, their despair and
finally their frustration that we continue to make cruel mistakes that hurt. 

And so the proposed "discussion" became a further stage of debriefing. I
suspect there is still more feeling to come up. I think that violent action,
like any violence tunes into our deep childhood powerlessness. This includes
restimulating violence we received as children. In response, I for one, am
still afraid of and hesitate to go to big actions unless I know they are
organised right down to the minutest nonviolent detail.

On the other hand, I know that action is necessary, and that things can't be
organised to the minutest detail, or made perfect before they are needed.
Debriefing has at least let me feel that fears and impulses to powerlessness
are understandable, and can be worked through.

My most recent experience has been with the Sky-Rail actions in Far North
Queensland, where we have seen some undisciplined, unruly (and therefore
disempowering) behaviour from some activists who bring their own issues to
the action in a confused way. There has also been some police violence and
some abuse from contractors. Opportunities for personal growth and stepping
through fear are minimised.

However Sky-Rail has much more hope than AIDEX, and has already had some
really positive outcomes (see article on Djabugay and Sky- Rail). It is
another step in my development as a nonviolent activist, and affirms that
debriefing gives me a 'handle' with which I can work through feelings of
confusion and despair. 
Margaret Pestorius